Lawrence had never felt this nervous before getting with a girl in his entire life—not even for his first time. He thought back to when he lost his virginity—drunk out of his mind, they did it in the guest bedroom of his not-quite-girlfriend’s house. Her parents were watching TV a few rooms away. That was nothing compared to this. That felt like going for a walk these days.
The woman was pulling his hand and he watched her ass kind of swish up and down, her hair side to side. He felt a trickle of sweat slide down his ribs. When they finally got to her door, she spun around and they kissed long and deep, their tongues lathering each other with sticky alcohol spit. Lawrence could still taste the corn syrup from the Sprite they used as a chaser.
The two of them fell through the doorway really, blindly coliding into furniture until they reached her room where they slammed the door shut and she started taking off her shirt. What was her name again? Sarah? Shannon? Fuck. It didn’t matter right. His heart was nearly ripping through his skin, and he was sure she could feel it.
She fell back onto her bed and Lawrence followed, his crotch pressed tightly to hers, grinding. Then she rolled on top of him and started to undo his belt. Lawrence was nervous. Like really nervous.
“Hey, hey, before you do that, I need to tell you something.”
“You have a condom, right? If not, I can ask my—”
“Yes, yes, I have one. But it’s not that.”
Lawrence felt the mood turn. He hated this part. Susan—that was it!—cocked her head a bit, kind of like a confused German shepherd.
“Okay, then what is it?”
“It’s just that—umm…. I have herpes.”
“Oh.” She sat down on top of his thighs, almost deflated. Lawrence felt his face and chest flush.
“I don’t know if you know anything about it, but it’s not a big deal. A lot of people have it, and most of the people who have it don’t show symptoms and it doesn’t really affect—”
“Isn’t it for life?”
“Yes, but it’s usually only communicable when you’re showing symptoms. And I’ve never shown symptoms, which happens to a lot of people. And using a condom makes it much less likely that it’ll be transmitted. I still don’t even know where I got it from. I went around and told everyone I had ever slept with and they all tested negative. And plus, I also just got out of a three-year relationship, and me and my ex were really careful and she never got it and—”
“I’ll just stop you there. Look, Lawrence, like, I know—in the logical part of my brain—it’s not a big deal. But it’s—uhh—it’s just not going to happen. Like what happens if the condom breaks, you know?”
“That’d really be your biggest concern?”
“There’s Plan-B. But there’s no Plan-H, you know?”
“…”
“I’m sorry. But you can like totally stay over if you want, though. You can do stuff to me if you still want. Maybe? I don’t know.”
“Yeah… it’s okay. I think I’ll just go. ”
“Thank you for telling me though. I’m not sure I would have done the same thing if I was in your position.”
“I guess I’m glad I’m going then.”
“Oh…. That’s a bit harsh.” Susan nearly whispered this, mostly to herself.
“Thanks for tonight anyway. I had a lot of fun.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Lawrence tightened his belt, picked up his shirt, and put it on as he walked out of her apartment. His face uncontrollably sagged with sadness.