I like power vacuums. I like seeing the chaos, I like seeing ambitions rise and fall. I like seeing these bald apes beat their chest and bare their teeth. I like making war from the other side of the planet.
Day 0 started like any other day. I walked in and finished writing my script. I set it to execute at 7:14 a.m. local time the next day. I chose that time because it reminded me of Babe Ruth. I don’t know why. It didn’t really matter so long as their electrical system crashed sometime before the day started.
Day 1 was interesting. People started arriving at work before they realized what was going on. Over 450 people were simultaneously stuck in elevators across the city by one estimate. Backup generators were keeping hospitals afloat.
By Day 4, an act of war was signed and ratified. We were at war again. And that’s always fun. I didn’t really have much of a leash before this, but now the collar came off. The SIGINT I was able to provide led to the death of six generals in a single day before their comms went dark.
On Day 34, we located their Prime Minister. The day after, they tied him to the top of their flagpole. His little pecker was all shriveled and flopping in the wind. I sent that image to 65% of their citizens’ emails—psychological warfare.
By this point, I wasn’t even leaving the office. I just slept there and ate there. The food isn’t very good. Not like my previous job, as cushy and meaningless as it was, it had some good food. But the coffee is free, and they don’t skimp on the coffee. I also bump myself up with a little coke. They haven’t drug tested me in a few years, and I know what they have on me.
Two days later the military formally surrendered. The psychological warfare trick got me a big raise. They said it was the turning point in the public’s morale. So I gave myself a pat on the back and went to a concert as a treat for myself. I’m a metalhead if that’s any surprise. I walked past a group of protesters on the way to the concert. They were shouting anti-war ditties like they knew anything about it. Tomorrow, I’d find who was at these protests from their GPS data. Maybe this was a counter-intelligence effort of some kind. I’ll find out tomorrow.