“Honey, are you awake, yet? It’s time for your big day! Your first day of high school!”
“Yes, mom, I’m up. Why are you up? It’s like 5:00 a.m. Also, what are you talking about? It’s not my first day of high school.”
“It is at this school.”
“I mean, sure, that’s technically—”
“What are you most nervous for? Which class?”
“Can we do this after I get some coffee?”
“Already got some. Here.”
“Oh, thank you…. Oh yum, that’s good coffee. To answer your question, I think calculus. I’m kinda scared that everyone else is going to know more than me, honestly. Which I know is irrational and makes no sense, but I honestly feel like I don’t belong there.”
“That’s ridiculous! You’ve always been good with math. Come now, let’s get you dressed. What are you going to wear?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Here, put on this blouse and that skirt, and… these shoes, yes. Ooh, my baby girl is so grown up! Gorgeous.”
“Mom, this is embarrassing. I can dress myself. Also, don’t you think this is showing my tits a little too much?”
“Yeah, you might be right. Let’s see here…. Use that. Goes with your eyes.”
“Scarf’s a nice touch.”
“Okay, now get changed. Once you get breakfast in that tum-tum of yours, we’re going to take a photo for my album.”
“A photo? How long are you going to keep up this album?”
“It’s tradition! You know that. Oh, come here. My darling Ms. Snedaker, teaching AP Calculus. Come here and let me give you a kiss. I’m so proud of you. You’re going to touch so many lives—so exciting!”
“Thanks, Mom.”