Liam kissed the back of Stephani’s neck. She woke up when he did this, and she turned around to face him. She was still wearing that gray spaghetti-strap top that he loved so much. He pulled the sheet over both of their head, and the morning light penetrated it. She looked angelic. Liam looked deep into Stephanie’s big blue eyes and got lost in them. She kissed his cheek, just under the bone.
“Liam,” Stephani whispered. “I think I love you.”
[Record screech]
“Oh, uh. What?”
“I love you.”
“But what is love, anyway? You know it’s just a word. Just some wiggling air. Just breath.”
“Liam… Do you love me?”
“I, uh—I don’t think I’ve really loved anyone before. Not really. I’m not even sure I love my mother if we’re being honest. Like I say I do, but it’s always felt so—I don’t know—so mandatory.”
“What are we even doing then? We’ve been dating for three years now. If it’s not going anywhere you need to—” Stephani threw off the sheet. Liam breathed fresh air.
“No, no, no. I like you. A lot. I like you a lot. I’m just not sure it’s love, you know? I don’t think I can let myself love anyone, because—I don’t know. I just think I’m a shitty person. I’m inevitably going let someone down.”
“Oh fuck no. You don’t just get to say you’re a bad person. People don’t get to believe they’re a bad person, because then they just think that they get a free pass. ‘Oh, I’m sorry I cheated on you. I’m a bad person. You know that, so you can’t be mad at me. You should have expected this.’ Give me a fucking break Liam.”
“Hey, we talked about that. It—”
“Yeah, yeah. It was a rave. You only kissed. She was a lesbian so it ‘didn’t count’. Liam look: you’re not a bad person because of that. I forgave you. You’re not a bad person at all. You’re just a bit of a pussy. You’re scared to be vulnerable. You’re scared to try. You’re just scared. And so when I say I love you, I really mean it. I was really scared when I just told you that, just then. And if you don’t love me that’s okay. Obviously, it sucks to not hear you say it back. But I understand. Just be straight up with me okay.”
“Well… I don’t think I’m ready to say I love you yet…. But. Do you know what I do love?”
“When I do that thing with my finger?”
“Well, yes. I wasn’t thinking about that, but I do like that. I’ll never go on record, but yes. Anyway, what I was going to say is that I like chocolate chip pancakes.”
“Oh…you must be fucking kidding me. That’s the best you could do? Really?”
“C’mon. Let’s go make them chipmunk. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Liam kissed the corner of Stephani’s lips and felt her smile. He loved when she did that.